The Day It Snowed!

                               By Mrs Kirsty Kopec

One lady scraping snow from her car wishing she could stay at home,

I would rather be at work so I don’t feel so alone.

I wanted breakfast in bed with my man,

But I got ignored and away from me he ran.

I wanted a time of affection and closeness,

All he wanted was distance, coldness and remoteness.

I wanted time to talk and share,

But even when I nearly slipped over he didn’t care.

He makes excuses, gives reasons and tells lies why he can’t do this and that,

But the truth is I get more love and affection from my cat!

Going to work is an escape from this ‘prison’ and long dark ‘tunnel’, just for a while,

A chance to push away my pain, connect with people and have a smile,

A chance to live despite my pain,

To have the chance to feel again.

I watch as others have fun,

I have to be careful of my knee so that no more damage is done.

The snowball fights,

The squeals of delight.

I would have loved to have had fun in the snow with him,

But he is always so serious and miserable, making everything so grim.

All I wanted was a day with him, to make the most of the time we had,

But I just felt down having to face myself and my pain and ended up feeling sad.

I long for intimacy and closeness, a time of love and sharing,

To talk and play and laugh, to connect and be caring

To share our love, our joys our sorrows, to be honest and real,

And to know that with each other we can trust and share, however we feel.

I so long to have affection and love-making, a leisurely breakfast, lunch and talks,

Then shopping and working together and romantic walks.

But we had to part as soon as the day had begun due to my frustration and pain,

It is unbearable that he does not care or want a relationship with me, giving me that cold stare yet again.

We spent the day on our own, me at the gym and town,

Feeling alone, abandoned, confused, rejected and down.

Having separate lives, thoughts, needs and emotions which remain hidden,

Communication broken down, too scared to talk as certain topics are ‘forbidden’.

Only conditional love, so much tension and animosity,

As if we are at war or I’ve done something terrible hence the hostility.

So cold and harsh, so much distance,

So little affection, warmth and closeness, non-existent.

Him living in his separate world, self-contained,

And me trying to make some kind of existence on my own in which to try and survive although it’s so strained.

We are like railway tracks running parallel, but not joined or together.

He wants us to be lodgers, acquaintances, friends at best; to keep me away and talk about the weather.

I want him to be my lover, my husband, my confidante, the most intimate person in my life.

The longing becomes unbearable when I am at home with him; why doesn’t he want me as his wife?

Mrs Kirsty Kopec. 

Contact: kirsty-i@malllick95.freeserve.co.uk

Copyright 2007 Mrs Kirsty Kopec