Pieces of Me

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Non-Fiction

Pieces of Me

Non-Fiction by Yvonne M. Chapman

2006

As I entered into the homeless shelter, carrying just a book bag with a few pieces of clothing and personal things. The air was stale and hot in the South Florida sun. Greeting social workers that ask so many embarrassing questions like "are you an addict or have you ever had an STD?" The fear hits me down deep wondering how can I really be in a place like this. How did I get here, what about the baby in my belly? What will happen to us? Days and nights pass cabin fever sets in losing my mind and I make a break for it. They left the front gate open and I run not looking back. The streets are hard but I am free to be myself and live my life my way even if it is the wrong way. Put the baby and myself in such a dire situation.

The side streets of Over Town dimly lit. Still I feel safe here in the darkness, a comfort covers me as I walk the length of Biscayne Blvd from 82^nd to Bayside Park.

Man it feels good to be out here in the salty air tonight. Picking up the pace, am I being follow? This guy keeps staring at me, gives me the creeps but I need the money haven’t eaten in almost two days. The baby just moved almost forgot it was in there. My belly feels tight, got to eat. Shit this is what sucks always having to fuck with these useless pricks. They never pay enough but still I am starving. Stomach is growling got to eat.

Just get in the car he yells from the corner. Walk slowly towards the car, man the music is loud. At least it’s a convertible never been in one before. Still I feel disgusting why the hell am I here, never should have left the shelter. Fucking pervert doesn’t even ask my name. “Hey I am Robert what can I get for $20”. What an introduction, no small talk here is there. Must have a sign on my head that says I am cheap take advantage of me!

God this is so humiliating, he grabs at me like I am not human. Not worth compassion or even a second thought. Feel like trash as he does his business. The weight of his body on me is almost crushing. My head is spinning Lord please don’t let me get sick right now he might get pissed and not pay me. Hope I make enough for a room, sure would be nice to sleep in the a/c tonight and not in the doorway of the Cuban store down the street. He finishes and now he wants to talk what an ass. “Just drop me off at the

Mc Donald’s down there.” Speeding off the air feels cool on my face it sure is a nice car.

Only now I study his face, the glasses he wears frame his eyes nicely. Dark eyes and hair, dressed sharp. Doesn’t seem like the type that would have to pay. Who knows what that type really looks like anyway?

Here we are at the Mc Donald’s he hands me $40, more then I thought he would come off of. Getting out of the car he says that he’ll look for me next time. Wow do I feel special, fucking creep. Inside the girl behind the counter finally calls me. Order a Quarter Ponder with cheese it should fill me up. Man a milk shake would so feel good in my belly. Here I wait for what feels like an eternity, then the girl calls my order number and I practically jump. Its cool in here, love the back of the restaurant no one notices’ me back here. This food is sooo good I scarf it down. Think the shake can wait till I get to walking

again.

Humidity is thick tonight, almost enough to suffocate in. Walking down Biscayne headed towards downtown the Metro Rail glides by lighting the night sky. There I see the old Greyhound stop need to rest this walk is killing me. Gotta grab a seat here on this bench. “Damn it’s hot” says the guy next to me. I look at him trying not to stare but he looks like shit. Sweat dripping from his head and his face sunken in. Looks as if he hasn’t slept in a week. He is asking me if I have any money he needs to get a beer. I’ve got a dollar or two I can spare no big deal. As I hand off the bills he tells me he is HIV Positive. Was told that he could not receive medical care because he is homeless. ‘No bed for me at the hospital he says.”

How horrible it must be know your life is nearing to an end know one will lend a hand to help, leaving you to die out here on these heartless streets. Human kind does not exist anymore its all about the money. This man is dying and is sitting right next to me. This is some scary shit. Gotta get up and go. Feel like running but to scared. Look up and see the lights of downtown. Look back towards the man and let him know I have to move on it is still early and I need to make my way downtown to see about getting some where to sleep. My steps are slow and quiet thinking with each step am I going to make it through this passage of my life? I am sure this is not all that is in store for me. Watch the people hustle around downtown every one has a gig. Mine is just less obvious, not many people down here pay attention to the chunky girl walking up and down Biscayne. I am not the common type that you see around here. I look too healthy one guy told me. Too healthy? How can anyone be too healthy? Well I guess that is a good thing kind of complement.

Its almost 11:30 pm and I have found and empty parking garage. I think its time to get some rest. The baby is wide-awake and doing back flips. I think it’s a girl I really want a girl. She would be my Angel, my own personal Angel. Well even if it’s a boy he would still be an Angel. Every since I lost Allison a couple of years ago I have wanted a little girl. Allison was a beautiful baby, blonde hair like her mother and green eyes like her father. Losing her has been devastating and has had any effect on every day of my life since she passed. They buried her in Hollywood Gardens off of Taft St. It’s a nice little area of the cemetery. I don’t go there much but I keep a picture of her head stone.

I sit with my back against the garage wall and close my eyes. Its kind of peaceful here right now. The air is still humid as hell but its cooled off some. Need to get some sleep now.

Posted 06/26/2007