The History & Psychology of a Family

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Non-Fiction

The History & Psychology of a Family
Non-Fiction by Mary Snowman

Conclusion

When I started this final product, my plan was to have the third chapter connect my ancestry to what I had written about in the first and second chapters; the psychology and history of family on a personal note. It seemed like a viable idea at the time, but I did not realize how personal this study would become and how many people it would involve. Many of my relatives have expressed a desire to read my final product. This has left me with the idea that I must be careful about what I say, not because what I say will be uncomplimentary to some, but because everyone has their own way of interpreting what they read. What I consider factual information or what I might have felt when listening or interviewing someone, could be taken personally. I also gained so much knowledge about the many branches of my family that it was hard for me to contain this information in a three chapter study.

Finally, the study has not ended, nor do I believe it ever will. There is always something new to discover and relate to. Even when all the dates and names are filled in, family continues to grow and assimilate, new names are added with marriages and births sprouting a new branch on this very old tree. History and societies continue to change and affect the families that live within their time frames. Some older traditions change and new traditions are created, but many times what happened within the family structure is repeated several times over. In this light, I will attempt to tie together what I have written in the previous chapters without compromising the wide variety of personalities and emotional tendencies that are a part of so many people that I call family.

Let’s begin this conclusion with a look at my family genogram (Fig. 3) and consider some of the theories that Gilbert (1992), Marlin (1989), and McGoldrick and Gerson (1985) bring forth in their books Extraordinary Relationships, Genograms, and Genograms in Family Assessments. Within the circles and squares of my genogram, there are several patterns that are unmistakable. The history of heart disease on the Gregoire side is evident and marked by the Xs that distinguish those who have died from those who are living. My paternal grandparents’ longevity is in deep contrast to my maternal grandparents’ deaths at very young ages. You can also see two families that produced eight children but the differences in the number of years they bore their children is extremely distinct. My paternal grandparents had eight children in 27 years while my maternal grandparents had eight children in nine years. For the Arsenault children, this meant a pattern of sibling placement that does not follow any rules. In fact, there seem to be several groupings of these children in segments of three or four. Their relationships as brothers and sisters are unique and quite complicated. This pattern was also repeated in my immediate family. My parents bore five children in 21 years. Our upbringing and dynamics are very different when the years that separate us are examined. Along with the relationships that evolve in a family whose children are separated by so many years, there are also the historical effects and societal norms that contribute to how children are raised and the problems they encounter. The first three Arsenault children were deeply affected by the Depression and poverty. The next three children were also faced with poverty but were able to escape some of its demands with the help of older siblings who had left home and were succeeding in society. World War II and the Korean War contributed to a more stable and productive economy. It allowed these siblings to earn an income that would give them a better life. It also took my father and his brother, Donald, into the grips of world conflict and showed them its horror. The youngest two children in this family lived comfortably. They were certainly not rich, but they had a childhood similar to mine.

The nine years that separate the births of the Gregoire children would lead most people to assume that they were all very connected. The patterns associated with sibling placement was surely experienced by these brothers and sisters. This might have been so if the number of losses they endured were not prevalent and the separations those losses produced had allowed them to remain intact as one unit. You might be able to see some of the results of this upheaval within the genogram when you notice that neither of the males ever married, but this would only be scratching the surface of wounds that never healed and scars that never faded.

The eldest children in the Arsenault family seem to have withstood harder childhoods than their younger siblings. The reasons for their greater upheaval included the Depression, their status as first generation Americans, and the responsibilities they undertook as the eldest in a large family. In contrast, the youngest Gregoire children endured the brunt of upheaval the deaths of their parents caused among their family. Though the entire family suffered the results of their separation from one another, the youngest endured unpleasant experiences in foster care. In Chapter I, I told you that within my immediate family, I felt that my sister and I, the middle children, were faced with the disruption in our family. My parents’ experiences and my own, seem to reinforce the notion that there are outward forces that can shape and mold relationships among siblings and change the course of the definitions many such as Leman (1985) have for first, middle, and last borns. Some might conclude that the history of these two families shows how important it is to keep the family unit intact. In an era where we continually hear the cry to save the family unit, it may be our past families that can shed light on the needs of today’s family. My parents’ struggles were not unique and isolated. They were a reflection of their era.

What you can see in my genogram is only a small portion of what I have learned. To really understand the dynamics, I would have to map out the brothers and sisters of my grandparents and the children that my aunts and uncles bore. This would take up a great deal of paper and would not provide a continuum pattern. When I talk about a continuum pattern, I mean a pattern such as alcoholism, mental disorders, or learning disabilities that are prevalent in some families over many generations. I could trace the heart disease that is evident in my genogram, but there seems to be no pattern because many earlier ancestors died of unknown causes or diseases that are no longer life threatening. The medical experts of that era were not aware of patterns or family histories. For my children and even for me, this three generation genogram is valuable in considering our health management and lifestyles.

To say that there are no patterns that exist would be untrue. There are several patterns that have existed over two or three generations. One of the most interesting ones is the marriage of two sisters of one family to two brothers of another family. My paternal grandmother’s parents, Onesime and Henriette (Mead) Marier, were married several years after his brother and her sister, Henri Marier and Evangeline (Mead) Marier. My paternal grandfather and mother, Edward and Marie (Marier) Arsenault, were married several years before his brother and her sister, Napoleon and Mathilda (Marier) Arsenault. My paternal aunt, Rita Arsenault, married Norman Doucette eight years before her sister and his brother, Ida Arsenault and Howard Doucette, were married. I was never able to pinpoint an explanation for this pattern. Even my aunts could not say why they married brothers in any way that was concrete. It just happened. I have not discovered any information on preceding generations, but I am anxious to know if this pattern was present in more than three generations. When you trace your ancestry, you may choose to consider only your direct descendants and not their siblings. I understand, to some extent, the reasoning behind this choice. It has been an enormous task to sort through the numbers of people that make-up my lineage but without information on their siblings, I would not be able to view patterns like intermarriage.

In researching my maternal grandmother’s lineage, I came across the story of Michel Hache/Galland. He seems to be one of my first ancestors on the North American Continent. His story was written by John Gallant, also one of his descendants, in 1998. I noticed that some of Michel’s children married the brothers or sisters of their siblings’ spouses. I found myself wondering if these intermarriages were influenced by a lack of population, family arrangements, or simply convenience. Without the knowledge of Michel’s other children I probably would only be looking for his son Francois from whom I am descended. This would not give me an opportunity to explore these intermarriages or the historical context within these family facts.

Being “cut-off” from one or more members of a family is prevalent in two generations on the paternal side of my family. Two of my father’s sisters, in fact the two that married brothers, have been “cut-off” from each other for over twenty years. One of them told me that her mother had two sisters who were “cut-off” from each other for many years. Each of my aunts have differing reasons for this and certainly I am in no position to judge them. I have a wonderful relationship with each of them, but I am saddened that I cannot interact with both of them simultaneously.

I have tried to show, within this genogram, the trend that my ancestors have for building and craft making. My paternal grandparents were very good with their hands. My grandfather seemed to be able to tackle any task and gave his neighbors free haircuts and repaired their shoes. He was also a carpenter by trade. His children worked alongside him on occasion and were able to learn carpentry. He spent several weeks with us when I was a child helping my father build and install a new kitchen in our home. My grandmother was a very good seamstress. She also did knitting and crocheting. She was not able to follow a pattern but could look at something and know how to make it. I have several quilts that she made for my children in her golden years.

My father made many of the toys we played with as children. When skateboards became popular, he took an old door and some roller skate wheels and fashioned us several skateboards. He built us stilts and even made us a spectacular luge run one year. When I purchased my first home, he showed my husband and me how to build closets, repair walls, etc. He even helped install all of our plumbing. When he retired, he began to repair furniture and build toys to sell. My daughter has a doll house from her grandfather and my son has a generous assembly of trucks, cars, and a train. I have a heart-shaped jewelry box that he made for all the women in his life as Valentine’s Day gifts. My mother was a good seamstress and altered many of the hand-me-downs that we wore as children. She received her talent through her grandmother who was a seamstress by trade. She taught me how to sew when I was ten years old. I have a lovely baptismal set that she knitted and hand sewed when she was pregnant with her first child. All of her children and her grandchildren have been baptized in this outfit. She now crochets in her spare time, and my children and I have several afghans she has made for us.

My siblings and I are handy with tools. We can do almost any repairs that need to be made around the house. My sister, Louise, and I are crafters and have used these talents as a source of income and enjoyment. Louise quilts in her spare time. She does it for profit from time to time but enjoys making items for her family and non-profit organizations she is involved with. I owned and operated a craft shop for ten years. I made a wide variety of crafts to sell, taught classes, and operated a retail store. Since I entered school, my time has been limited. I have several projects that have been put aside for the moment. I dabble in a wide variety of crafts but I enjoy counted cross stitch and quilting on a regular basis.

It was much easier for me to look at my genogram at the beginning of this study. I had less information and ample opportunity to take the information I had been given over many years and place it in appropriate categories. Let’s discuss favoritism on family members. Within the first week of my study, I gave my instructor, Alice, a list of the patterns I thought might exist in my genogram. Favoritism was among this list. My mother and I had discussed the fact that I was my father’s favorite and she had told me that she thought I favored one of my children over the other. She reminisced with me about the times she spent at her paternal grandparents’ house. She went there often as a child and noticed her siblings did not go with her. She felt that perhaps she had been favored by these grandparents. Throughout my oral histories, I asked about favorites. Each of my interviewees had an opinion but none were consistent. I began to wonder if anyone can really be sure that they are favored or if others among the immediate group are able to view these particular connections objectively. In Chapter I, I discuss sharing a room with my oldest sister and how I was relegated to a corner. If I had been the favorite, wouldn’t I have relegated her to the corner? Perhaps she was the favorite at this point and I was favored later when I was an adult. Can’t parents favor different children at different times? In obtaining new information during this study, I was unable to view my family as clearly as I presumed to view them a few months ago. I believe that I am still trying to absorb this new information and situate it in perspective. This will enable me to see my family in a new light but it will take time.

How nice it would be to find a journal or diary among my ancestry. I now have a better understanding of how important a source like this could be to future generations. Including daily activities, relationships, and emotions in the historical context of past ancestors is a more concise and satisfyingway to examine the past. The benefits that journals and diaries have for future generations examining their past are to provide a better understanding of the society and families that existed during that era. It gives them a chance to widen the narrow focus that might be obtained through articles in newspapers and other media sources. Reading John Demos’ (1994) The Unredeemed Captive really helped me understand how important this documentation can be. Without the journals of Stephen Williams, the brother of captive Eunice Williams, I would never have been able to see the underlying factors of religion and the structure of society in this era. I would have only read the facts and never understood the effects this episode had upon Eunice’s immediate family. I might have discovered how Eunice or other captives were treated and how they accepted or rejected their captors, but I would not have been able to consider the enormous impact this had on members of the community and those who were emotionally connected to the captives. Starting to journal is only a matter of setting aside some time and maintaining a routine that becomes a part of the everyday tasks that we indulge in. It is something that I am determined to do. Yet, again, I feel a personal hesitation. What if my children or someone I am close to reads this journal? I don’t mind if people I have never met read it, but I feel that cautious tap on my shoulder warning me to consider how my feelings and thoughts might be interpreted by those I love. It seems that when we remove the personal connection we have with our relations, we are less sensitive to how others view them.

I have perceived history from several vantage points during this study. It is history from more than the English angle. Books, such as, Callaway’s (1992) The Western Abenakis of Vermont, 1600-1800, DePuy’s (1853) Ethan Allen and the Green Mountain Heroes of ‘76, Hendrickson’s (1980) Quiet Presence, and Arsenault’s (1994) The History of the Acadians have given me a clearer picture of people and societies, their religions, and the way they assimilated, accepted, or rejected that which their emigration forced them to encounter. I was taught the English version of the history of this era in school. The English were the good guys and the French and Indians the bad guys. During the American Revolution, the English became the bad guys and the Colonists the good guys. It was as if those who won the battles or the war were instantly pronounced heroes. Having more than a twenty-five years span between my last American History class and this final product, I am certain things have changed. I presume that education is now willing to look at historical matters from every direction and, therefore, envision the good and bad that each group contributed to the overall historical content. My sixteen year old daughter will be taking American History in high school this year. I am anxious to see if my presumptions are reinforced. I would be interested to know how the period surrounding the French and Indian War is taught in Canada and the Province of Quebec. Are the good guys the French? How are the Native Americans portrayed in their history books? To really view history, we need to know the facts from all vantage points. Unfortunately, that does not happen in every classroom.

I did a little research on the sources available to classroom teachers on the subject of immigration. If you are viewing immigration from many directions, you will be able to find the resources that you are seeking if you are willing to search through various sources. Unfortunately, many teachers rely upon sources that provide lesson plans and activities that are prewritten and often narrowly focused. In fact, much of the information I perused had to do with immigration through Ellis Island in New York Harbor. Most of the recent information does a fairly good job of explaining the immigration of slave labor and the African American plight. It also includes a better understanding of immigration from a woman’s point of view, but it does not factor in the immigration from neighboring countries such as Canada and Mexico. When teachers use these types of materials as their only resource, they often send the wrong message to children. It is like saying if your ancestors did not come through Ellis Island then they must not be worth studying. Even if you are just exposing them to the plight of the immigrants entering this country it is important to allow them a way to connect to their personal ancestry.

My personal connection to the story of Michel Hache/Galland has made me curious about facts within that story. Two of his daughters were married more than once. Did their first husbands die in battle or from disease? Were they deported by the English in their expulsion of Acadians and never heard from again? How many of my ancestors died in the French and Indian War? Did they fight along side Montcalm in the deciding battle for control of the North American Continent? How many married Native Americans? Did they emigrate from France because they were looking for a better life or were they thrown out because they were outlaws? In continuing my research, I may be able to gain information to answer these questions. But when I gather this information from varying sources, can I be certain that it is true?

Even the story of Michel Hache/Galland is only speculation and assumptions using information that has been uncovered. Various sources have differing dates and facts. I assume we can only assimilate the facts and draw our own conclusions. Yet, the incentive to make our ancestry more interesting could lead us to pick and choose the information that gives our family a more colorful past. In the story of Michel Hache/Galland, it is acknowledged that his sister was a woman of immoral character. Michel might have been destined for a similar life if he had not been taken in by a nobleman who provided him with an education and the chance for a better life. When you read the story, it is not written like a fairy tale, but I find myself wondering if this rendition has not been enhanced by the author.

Finally, I need to consider how the influence of religion contributed to the psychology and history of my family and those of French-Canadian descent. Catholicism played a large role in the development of “New France.” It also was and is a major influence in my lineage, and the family values that I was raised by and still live by. The Catholic Church has changed many times over the centuries. Like families, it has been influenced by societal norms. Within my life, I have endured many changes in church doctrine. Much of what I learned as a child about the Catholic Church is no longer relevant, gone with a changing society. Though I continue to practice this religion, I do not accept its rules unconditionally. I am humbled by the ceremony of the mass. It is a constant in my life: something I have participated in, on a weekly basis, for over forty years. Like the French language, Catholicism is unimportant to most of the second generation Americans in my family. I am not sure why it is unimportant to them. Perhaps, they could not accept the changes that have taken place or they are unable to make room in their busy lives.

In reading Gerard Brault’s (1986) The French-Canadian Heritage of New England and Choquette’s (1997) Frenchmen Into Peasants, I envisioned the Catholic religion’s power over those emigrating from France. The Church was being questioned in Europe and their financial and spiritual support of this small colony allowed them to build generations of loyal followers. Catholicism played a large role in keeping emigrant parishioners dependent on their guidance and generosity. The Church often owned many of the seigniories that their parishioners farmed and encouraged procreation even when necessities were already lacking. This kept many families impoverished and uneducated, two powerful tools for controlling any population. Yet, like me, religion provided these people with a constant even when other portions of their existence were altered by war, disease, or poverty.

My basic values were instilled in me by my parents and the rules of our religion, Catholicism. My experiences in life have forced me to make choices that often conflict with the boundaries of these basic values. Do I always follow the rules? No. Like all humans, I often arrange my thinking so that I can stretch those boundaries and do what I want to. Yet, there have been times when those boundaries were enough to stop me from following the crowd or push me to step up to my adult responsibilities. I am not saying that people have to have a religion in order to have boundaries, but I believe it has made a difference in how I choose to live my life and probably how some of my ancestors chose to live theirs.

As I finish this study, I find myself sitting at the back of the roller coaster of life. I have changed seats during these last few months. This rearrangement was necessary if I was going to be able to view the scenery of my heritage that was obscured from the front of the coaster. From the back, I have been able to see further into the places that my ancestors resided. I look forward to someday revisiting Prince Edward Island and Montreal with a new outlook, and seeing France as my place of origin. As I ride my roller coaster from the rear seat, I hope to move forward and assimilate all that I have learned. For it is not just the scenery that I have been able to see more clearly, but also the other factors that make us human and truly connect us to our families. Perhaps, I have been able to wipe away some of the dust that has accumulated on my family photos and see the expressions and gestures that give light to the struggles they faced. For to really understand who, where, why, and how these generations of ancestors survived the historical and societal demands of their era, I must get past the family resemblance. The psychology and history of all families, whether present or past, lies within each individual and their ability to cope with the circumstances surrounding their existence and embrace their families unconditionally.

References

American Genealogical Research Institute Staff. (1973). How to trace your family tree: A complete and easy to understand guide for the beginner. New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc.

Beauregard, D. Genealogy of Quebec: What are dit names? [On-Line]. Available: http://www.cam.org/~beaur/gen/ditnames.html

Brault, G. J. (1986). The French-Canadian heritage of New England. Hanover, NH: University Press of New England.

Calloway, C. G. (1992). The Western Abenakis of Vermont, 1600-1800: War, migration, and the survival of an Indian people. Norman, OK: University of Oklahoma Press.

Choquette, L. (1997). Frenchmen into peasants: Modernity and tradition in the peopling of French Canada. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Coontz, S. (1992). The way we never were: American families and the nostalgia trap. New York: Basic Books.

Demos, J. (1994). The unredeemed captive: A family story from early America. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.

De Puy, H. W. (1853). Ethan Allen and the green-mountain heroes of ‘76. Freeport, NY: Books for Libraries Press.

Gallant, J. (1998). Life and times of Michel Hache-Gallant. [On-Line]. Available: http://www.vcities.com/buckachee/achee.htm

Hendrickson, D. (1980). Quiet presence: Dramatic, first-person accounts - the true stories of Franco-Americans in New England. Portland, ME: Guy Gannett Publishing Co.

Leman, K. (1985). The birth order book: Why you are the way you are. Old Tappan, NJ: Fleming H. Revell Company.

Marlin, E. (1989). Genograms: The new tool for exploring the personality, career, and love patterns you inherit. Chicago: Contemporary Books.

McGoldrick, M. & Gerson, R. (1985). Genograms in family assessments. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.

O’Malley, J. W. (1995). Counter reformation. Encarta 96 Encyclopedia. Microsoft Corporation.

Pipher, M. (1996). The shelter of each other: Rebuilding our families. New York: Ballantine Books.

Postman, N. (1982). The disappearance of childhood. New York: Delacorte Press.

Stephens, W. N. (1963). The family in cross-cultural perspective. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston.

Oral Interviews

D. Arsenault (personal communication, July 4, 1998)

R. Arsenault (personal communication, July 15, 1998)

I. Doucette(personal communication, July 23, 1998)

R. Doucette (personal communication, July 4 & 27, 1998)

I. Pelletier (personal communication, July 4, 1998)

Contact: mary_gd@yahoo.com
Copyright 2007 Mary Snowman
Reviews and comments requested

Posted 5/29/2007