Happy New Year

Non-fiction by Lynne Cannon

The party was going well. And our house was full of friends and neighbours so many in fact that the party had spilt out onto the street. And it was almost midnight. We all decided to wait for the countdown outside in the street. So we all piled out of the house to make a circle in anticipation of singing "Auld Langs. Ine".

We could not help but notice that someone was missing and a few other guests noticed the same thing "where’s Paddy?" they asked each other. Paddy was a friend of the family and a neighbour. He worked on the docks and was originally from Northern Ireland. He was about 6'7' and at least 26 stone. He was however a big teddy bear. And always the life of the party. That was why everyone had noticed he was missing. Then he suddenly appeared from a neighbours house and the whole street fell silent.

Paddy had been very busy. He came bursting onto the street in full drag! He had borrowed a long blonde wig from somewhere and the dress he wore did not leave much to the imagination so to speak. How he managed to fit his size thirteen feet into a pair of high heel shoes I will never know? His eyelids where bright blue, his cheeks pink, and his ‘juicy red’ lipstick had moved north to mingle with his moustache. His skinny bowlegs went this way and that as he tried his best to totter into the middle of the road. Everyone burst into laughter.

And then the count down began. 5,4,3,2,1 Happy New Year! Paddy tried his best to stay upright during "Auld Langs. Ine" and when it had finished he stood leant up against our front door with his arms crossed holding his enormous balloon boobs. Each time he caught my eye I burst into giggles. The pubs had begun to let everyone out. And a steady stream of people began to make their way down our road and past us. "Happy New Year!" they shouted to us and each other. Paddy however was standing with a devilish grin on his face. "Watch this!" he said to me, and gave me a wink. As a couple of young men began to pass by. "Hello darling’ give us a New Year kiss!" They both began to laugh "no thanks love" one said. But Paddy would not take no for an answer. "Oh come on darling’ don’t be shy I won't bite." And picked him up from under his arms and gave him a big sloppy kiss and then dropped him. The poor lad wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his coat and tried to spit the taste of whisky and lipstick from his mouth. His friend thought it was all hilarious. Until Paddy got a little too close for comfort. And he took off like a rocket followed by his friend.

That was it Paddy was "on a role." Every poor bloke that came in kissing distance got a big wet kiss from Paddy. Some ran and some (Paddy ran after). One or two where almost sick. And a few could not help but laugh. No one got nasty after all Paddy was a big lad (even in a dress). I laughed so much all night my jaw ached. And when I remember Paddy I always remember the picture of a hulking great man in a dress, a wig and high heels running down the road shouting "give us a kiss darling!" But Paddy was a big man, with a big heart and I miss him dearly. But as for being a drag queen? I am glad he stuck to his day job.