If Only

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Fiction

If Only

Fiction by Karissa Abdullah

Age:13

I watched as the coffin was lowered into the ground. There he goes i will never see him again. He is with my mother now and they are happy together, but i on the other hand am all alone on this earth with no one to turn to. Although i do have my Aunt and Cousin, they aren't someone you would turn to. They believe that the world revolves around them. As I am thinking off into the space, the four men began to throw dirt over into the hole. That is it Emma you will never she your father again. That thought rang over and over again in my head. Then all of the hurt and sadness exploded out of me.

"NO! NO! DADDY!! NO!! DON'T COVER HIM!! NO!! I LOVE YOU DADDY!! COME BACK!!!" I screamed.

My aunt held me back from jumping down into the hole. She pulled me close to her chest. The sound of her heart beating calmed me down.

"I am so sorry Emma, but you don't have to scream like that." my aunt said.

I pulled away from her as her words went through my ears. I can't believe that she just said that to me. I hate her. That is all that went through my mind.

"My father just died! And you are telling me that i shouldn't let out how i feel!"

I asked with a sound of hate.

"Well...it is embarrassing. Now everyone will think that you are mental and that i am your mother! Which i thank the lord that i am not your mother! You are a shame to the family!" my aunt yelled.

Now people from far were staring over at my aunt and I.

" Don't yell like that. It is embarrassing!" I shoot back at her.

I run off towards the highest hill. I sit there. For how long i dont know. My cousin Sam walks over to me.

"I am sorry about your dad." he says while looking at the stars as i do the same.

"I hope that he is in a better place now, ya' know with my mom." I say.

I look up at the stars and wonder which one is my mother and father. Gran, or my grandma, always told me that all the stars represent all of the people who are watching over us from the heavens. She said she will always look over me when she goes and that she wasn't afraid to die, for she had Cancer too. It wasn't soon after that talk we had that night did she pass away.

"I mean I still cant believe that he is really gone. But that was a really big whole that they buried your dad in. i mean why are they gonna do that? Its not like someone is going to go and like dig him up and like play with his dead body! Ha that would be funny!" Sam said.

I cant believe him or his Mother! I got up and he did the same. I got close to him and slapped him across the face.

"What the hell was that for?" Sam yelled.

" You better watch your mouth! How dare you think something like that!" I cried.

The image of him began to blur as my eyes filled with hot tear s that rained down my face.

I ran away from him and ran passed my aunt who didn't even take notice of me. From there i took a bus home. I walked through the front door. I am not supposed to be here, i was supposed to go home with my aunt and stay with her until tomorrow. But i will never go back there. Never.

The house was quiet. I made sure that i made the house look like no one was home. I turned off the porch light, locked all the doors and closed all the widow curtains.

"There now My Aunt will not know that i am here!" i said proudly.

I walked up the stairs and into my bed room. I packed everything that i would need with the family that is adopting me. I hope that they are nice. And i hope that they like me. But i do know one thing, my parents wouldn't want be to be sad all the time just because they are gone, they would want what is best for me and that.....well i am searching for that. If only.....if only they were here to guide me.

Posted 08/03/2006