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Just a remembrance
Fiction by Chaitra Pai
Is it him? Yes, those same
intense eyes, the same gait with a slight stoop in the back that
shows up while walking, now that the stoop is more evident and those
intense eyes are masked by gold-framed spectacles. This was the man
whom I had liked about 20 years back, on whom I had built my castle
of dreams. There is a woman beside him; she must be his wife. Oh the
little girl who is running towards them must be his daughter. Did he
see me? I suddenly became conscious of being caught staring at him.
To my relief found Manoj, my husband, explaining the process of
rubber extraction to my children. We had come to this place on a
vacation. Thanks to Manoj, annual vacations were a mandate in our
lives and it bonded the four of us more strongly. Was he too on a
vacation with his family? I was in my 1st year of degree course at
that time .We used to board the same bus. The first time I noticed
him was when he offered his seat to me. Slowly through my network of
friends I found out that he was an Engineering student in his third
year, topper in the branch of Information Technology, having great
passion in poetry.
Reading was my hobby, although my reading till
then was confined only to fictions. It seems foolish today that I
started reading poetry only with an intention of getting a chance to
speak to him. It did help. We used to sit and chat all the while
till he had to get down at his college. For me the bus, conductor,
fellow passengers all ceased to exist when he spoke. I was
fascinated by the depth of knowledge he possessed in any field, his
amazing oratory skills which could mesmerize anyone, his intense
faith in his principles. Within a year our relationship crossed
different phases, common interest to friendship to a special feeling
towards each other. He went in search of a job; it was recession and
could never find a stable well-paid job for another year. Meanwhile
I graduated, marriage proposals came, he being very unstable asked
for time and circumstances then forced me refuse him that. I got
married to Manoj. Suddenly I felt like seeing Manoj and there he was
playing with the children.
Involuntarily, I started
comparing him with Manoj. Manoj at his fifties still looked about
thirty and always joked at being noticed about young women. Manoj
was entirely unlike him. He was an extrovert, outdoor person who ran
miles away from the books, but then he always nurtured my reading
habit. Bought books for me wherever he went, took interest in the
kind of books I read. We shared nothing in common but still over the
years we developed something in common which made us inseparable. It
seems so silly to think of those initial days of my marriage when I
compared every action of Manoj and imagined what he would have done
and always felt he was better than Manoj. But, within a month or two
I was bowled over by Manoj and within no time he vanished from my
thoughts. Life brings strange situations. Today I feel Manoj is the
best and that I couldn’t get a better partner than him...Years
change a person's views, thoughts, fades away the past, keeping with
him only the memories...
I have noticed that she saw
me. It seems very strange that I feel nothing for her now. Was it
the same me who lost my sleep over that lady, whose thoughts haunted
me for months, whose stare pierced me in my dreams... the name "Mridula"
no more brings pictures of her , but that of my little daughter.
That smart guy and equally smart kids must be her family. Nice
family, but my little Mridula is smarter for her age. I sometimes
think I did a good thing not marrying her. Over the years I have
found that one will end up in the best if he marries someone with
different tastes.... My little kid is the combination of positives
of both me and my wife.
Those were the days when I
was depressed without a proper job, she called me up and asked me to
marry her, and I told it was not possible; she fought, cried and did
what not to persuade me into marrying. But how could I, when I
couldn’t support myself? I tried convincing her to wait for a year.
Finally I received the invitation for her marriage in my hands which
shattered my already lost hopes. I roamed aimlessly, lost any
motivation to live. If it weren't for Suji, my wife now who entered
into my life then, there wouldn't be me today. She supported me,
gave me all the strength I needed, showed me hopes, made me alive; I
owe her everything I am today. It was she who suggested naming our
daughter "Mridula". I refused, but then Suji is a hard-core adamant
and gets her way always. She thought our Mridula would wipe the
picture of old Mridula and as usual she happened to be right.
Arrey, what am I seeing? Suji
and Mridula together on the seat? What could they be discussing? I
just hope Suji doesn't find out...Suji saw me and she is waving her
hand at me. Why is she calling me there? Oh, no I don’t want to meet
‘her’ …
Oh no, he is coming; I don’t
want to talk to him now...I don’t want to desettle my nice life...
"Hey Arun, meet Mridula, she
is from Pune on vacation…And you know what? Her son's name is Arun;
I was just telling her that our daughter's name is Mridula"
Our eyes met, there was
recognition, and yet it was masked by the pretense of anonymity. It
was an unsaid understanding on both ends to let away this unexpected
encounter just the way as if it hadn't happened. We just exchanged
pleasantries and handshakes.
The rest of the day passed by
with Suji busy preparing on her research on new rubber extracting
techniques
On our way back, Lil Mridu was
sleeping behind and Suji sitting silently beside me, I found her
unusually silent. "Whatz the matter honey?".. She just nodded her
head...I knew something was churning in her mind..."A penny for your
thoughts ma'am"..
"Do you miss her Aru?" , Here
was my bold, practical scientist and yet sensitive darling. I just
held her hand and said "When will your research be completed yaar? I
missed you whole day...” I saw that little smile on the lips which
always brought light into my life.
Chaitra Pai
Posted 05/25/2006
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