The Crush

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Fiction

The Crush
Fiction by Tammy Francis

Lisa sat quietly at a corner in the library, she was trying hard to
focus on her work, she needed to learn all about the French
revolution, it was exam time soon. Yet no matter how hard she tried
to concentrate she could not ignore his presence, about seven meters
away. The harder she tried to ignore his calm and composed presence
and his erect back facing her, the more she felt the need to walk to
him. But what would she say to him? After all she hardly knew him and
her English vocabulary automatically diminished every time she had
previously tried to speak to him. She tried to stay put, praying that
he would go away soon. He decided to stay put, he was concentrating
on his work.

It had been a little over two weeks since her heart had started
beating furiously fast every time he was near her. For sure, Tony was
a handsome man, with a beautiful white wide smile, innocent clear
eyes and a perfectly proportioned body. She noticed the features the
first day they met but she had convinced herself that he was not her
type. He was three years younger than she, he did not dance and he
found her serious. She loved to dance, had always considered herself
funny and her ideal man had to be at least two years older than her.
Clearly a mismatch but as she debated whether to walk to him or not,
she knew she had stepped out of her comfort zone and could not lie to
herself any longer. She had all the symptoms, the desire to hear his
voice, the urge to utter meaningless sentences and the inability to
stop smiling in his presence. It could only be one thing. She had a
crush on him, one that could potentially crash her heart.

It was her first crush and she did not know how to handle it. No
matter how hard she tried, she could not be logical. He was not
interested in her, that was clear. He had hinted his lack of interest
but not said the exact words. His actions spoke even louder than his
words. The time that he had stood her up for the only meeting they
had made confirmed his lack of interest. She hated the fact Tony
vaguely knew how much she lusted him, she had tried but could not
hide it.

Her best friend Lebo had once told her, it hurts to love someone and
not be loved in return but what is more painful is to love someone
and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. Lisa
never forgot those words. She had however convinced herself that it
was not love. It happened so quickly, so sudden, so out of the blues.
Her theory was, love did not strike like lightning, it streaked,
slowly like a mid summer drizzle that seem to go on forever. She had
experienced it once but just like the drizzle, it finally ended.

She decided to pack her books; she had to get out of the library. The
silence and calmness in the room was driving her crazy especially
since the voices inside her head were very noisy. As she walked
passed him, he suddenly, almost instinctively, turned and looked up.
Immediately her English vocabulary disappeared, her heart started
beating fast and she smiled.

"How are you today, Lisa" he asked with a hint of concern and a hint
of mockery in his voice. His innocent eyes locked in hers, forbidding
her to take another step.
"Umm ehh ok" is all she managed to say. Her expression suddenly
became stiff as she urged herself to say more than three words.
"What are you up to?" she proudly asked as she felt she had won a
battle against the diminishing vocabulary.
"Oh I am just trying to finish my work before I go and meet my
girlfriend. It's her birthday today". His face lit up as he said the
word girlfriend. Immediately her heartbeat slowed down, her smile
disappeared and her vocabulary returned.
"Well say happy birthday to her. I got to go, bye now", she
diplomatically replied as she began to walk away. She exaggeratedly
swung her hips, taking rejection with grace. Her pride gave her the
energy to confidently walk away. Her emotions were no longer naked.
She turned away knowing fully well that her heart will not bit as
fast, her smile would not last as long and her vocabulary would not
disappear as quickly any time soon. It was over. "The sad thing about
life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find
out it was never meant to be and you just have to let go" Lebo had
also told her. Lisa had by now reached the reception area and she
smiled at the librarian while at the same time quietly telling
herself, 'let go, let go'.

She had always known the power of words, she knew that a careless
word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life and a timely
word may change a life. The word girlfriend was timely and was
powerful enough to suddenly end a two-week emotional rollercoaster.
She has loved and hated herself during that period. She had loved the
energy, the excitement and the loss of control that the crush had
brought her and she had hated the disappearing of her confidences
that had come with it. She finally got out of the library, weakly
walked down the stairs. She knew her heart was not crashed but he
hopes were. She looked at the grey angry sky and wondered; maybe God
wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so
that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be
grateful for that gift. The thought consoled her and she began to
think of what to cook for supper.

Tammy Francis, age 23, contact: avenues1999@yahoo.com
Copyright 2004. Tammy Francis
Reviews and comments requested
Posted 10/31/2004

TAMARA KHAMA
OLIVE SCHREINER RESIDENCE
RHODES UNIVERSITY
E-MAIL: flage19@yahoo.com
JOURNALISM 1