CIRCLE - Alcohlic Divorcee's Life

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Fiction

"CIRCLE"

Fiction by Sheila B Goram

            Kate stumbled up the stairs to her home. She looked around hoping no one saw her stumble. She placed her purse strap on her shoulder. She picked up her keys, and started toward the door. She opened the storm door, and slid her key into the keyhole. She turned the key and Kate felt as if she was opening the gates of heaven. She'd been dreaming of her vodka all day. Kate stepped into her home and closed and locked the door behind her. She dropped her bags and coat at the door. Kate had her vodka bottle in sight. She licked her dried lips and felt her mouth water with anticipation. Kate licked her lips again and sighed in happiness. She sped up and straightened her shoulders. As if she was standing at attention for her booze. Kate's body was literally yearning for the vodka. Kate had one hand on the bottle about to loosen the cap. And the phone rang. Kate slammed her fist down on her table at the interruption.

            Kate beelined for the phone and had to calm herself before she answered.
"Hello" Kate said dryly.
"Mom it's me, did you remember that you have to pick me up at 10:00?" Her
daughter said.
"Yes, Kelly I did."
"You ok? You sound weird a little different?" Kelly questioned.
"Yes girl, I'm fine. Did you do your homework? Did you eat something?"
Kate asked.
"Yes to both. I left some chicken for you. It's in the oven." Kelly said.
"Ok honey, be good, and have a good night at work. Bye sweetie."
"Bye mom, oh I'll call you thirty minutes before I get off. Just in case you're sleeping." Kelly said.
"Ok, we're going to have to get you that license soon." Kate said.
"I know, I know Mom, bye Mom I love you." Kelly said.
"Bye honey I love you too." Kate said.

            Kate replaced the phone in it's cradle, and was about to turn the ringer off when she remembered Kelly had to call later. Damn, Kate thought to herself. She was about to beeline for her booze and the phone rang again. Kate grabbed the receiver angrily.

"Hello" Kate yelled.
"Kate it's me Grace. Did I catch you at a bad time?" Grace asked. Kate wanted to scream, yes bitch, you did. But instead she said. "No, Grace what can I help you with?"    Kate said, she rolled her eyes and took a seat. Kate really liked Grace, but Grace was one nosey woman. Kate knew she really wasn't in the mood for Grace today. She and Grace had been working together for the past three years. Grace could be a sweet and kind person, but today she was just being a pain. Kate could taste her booze. She could feel the glass in her hands. She could hear the ice clanking against the glass. Kate could feel the vodka slide down her throat. She was about to moan in pleasure. Then she heard Grace gabbing on the other end of the phone.

"Girl, you had a bad day today. Is everything alright?" Grace asked.
"Yeah I just need to unwind and try to forget about it." Kate said wishing she had been able to make that drink.
"Kate what did Patty say to you when she took you into the office?"

            Grace really has to get a life of her own Kate thought to herself. Who the hell told her she had to check up on me. Kate thought to herself. I really don't need a guardian. Grace's voice began to fade into the background as Kate continued to think to herself. Kate thought how she and Hayward used to make fun of this woman together. How she used to tell him all about this woman whom she worked with who was nice but the nosiest woman either had ever met.

            Hayward was Kate's best friend. He was one person who knew her completely. Hayward and Kate were married for twenty years. The first time Kate laid eyes on Hayward Johnston she couldn't stand him. Hayward would go
out of his way to annoy Kate in any way possible. Kate could smile and laugh about it now, but then she would be furious. He would get her all riled up on purpose. Only to get his jollies. She could admit that Hayward was really good looking. Tall with broad shoulders, thick black hair, and the prettiest smile you'd ever laid your eyes on. But Hayward always seemed to annoy Kate in one form or another. He'd call her Kathy instead of Kate. He'd make fun of the way she spoke. And mimic the way she would walk. You would have thought they were children or even teenagers, but they weren't. She was twenty-one and he was twenty-four. And for the longest time Kate did whatever she could to avoid him.

            Until one day Hayward saw her getting off the bus she always took to and from work. She and Hayward moved to the same neighborhood at the same time. Actually, they moved into their apartments on the same day, only different buildings. Kate watched Hayward as he walked to her bus stop and waited. Kate thought that was odd simply because Hayward had a "77" tee-bird. He spent most of his free time waxing and shining. As Kate rose from her seat, she had already decided that she would not allow him to get her goat. As she walked down the aisle of the bus to the steps, she saw Hayward smiling at her. Kate wanted to smack him. As she took the first step down he stepped forward. When Kate hit the last step, she rolled her eyes and said. "Hayward, I'm not in the mood today. I'm really not." And she kept walking. But Hayward followed her.

"Please, Kate, wait. I just want to talk to you for a moment." Hayward said
"Why Hayward? So you can talk about me? So you can make fun of the way I
speak? Or better still make fun of something I tell you? Forget it Hayward!" Kate said.

Kate continued to walk toward her building. Hayward was still there, he walked right beside her. But he said nothing else. Kate walked up the steps of her building and looked back to find him still there watching her. Hayward continued this ritual for two weeks. Kate began to look forward to her walk home with him. He was beginning to grow on her. They had begun to chat and the conversations were pleasant. They started slow, talking about their jobs, and only getting a little personal. One day Hayward showed up at Kate's job. He waited outside on the bench with an older gentleman. Kate saw his car before she saw Hayward. She looked around and saw him on the bench. He waved and smiled and she did the same. He walked over to her.

"Hayward what are you doing here?" Kate asked.
"Kate ordinarily, I wouldn't have done this. But do you see the man sitting on the bench over there. Well that's my father and I had to take him to a doctor's appointment. I had to call off from work to do it. The appointment took longer than expected. I wouldn't have had time to walk you from your stop. And I didn't want you to think I was playing around when I would walk you home." He said.

Kate thought he looked sincere and the man on the bench looked like him. But
still had one burning question. "How did you know where I worked Hayward?"

"Your neighbor Mrs. Bentley. She told me. Kate please I would love to take you home."

"And we'll go straight home? No monkey business?"

"No, my father's hungry. I have to get him something to eat. Then we go home. Straight home then." He said with pleading eyes.

Reluctantly Kate said " ok, but no games Hayward." Kate warned.

"None, I promise Kate. There is one problem though, my father wants veal parmesan and Alfredo's is the only place he likes it from."

"And I suppose I have to go there before we go home? Before you put up an argument, I'll go." Kate said feeling happy about her decision.

"Great, Kate thanks." Hayward said and then leaned over and kissed Kate on the cheek. It happened so quickly Kate was taken by complete surprise. Hayward called for his father and they all loaded in the thunderbird and took off.

            While at dinner Kate learned some new things about Hayward and his family. She found out that Hayward was the baby of the family and his father was a social worker and his mother was a teacher. They were married twenty-five years and then divorced when Hayward was fifteen. Hayward lived with his father and would visit with his mother on weekends. They also learned about Kate that she was an only child. Her mother died when she was five years old. Kate's mother died of kidney failure. Kate's father was a factory worker. He loved Kate, but was very stern. He only very recently remarried. Kate loved and respected her father. She also cared a great deal for her stepmother.

            When the night finally ended, Hayward took Kate home. He walked her to her door. Kate was about to turn to him and thank him for a lovely evening when Hayward asked Kate out.

"Kate, I've been trying to ask you out for two weeks now. But, you with good reason, were very angry with me.   I would like to spend tomorrow with you, it is Saturday."

Kate wasn't sure what to say. Then thought she knew she would have a good time and she knew she liked him. So she said, "Ok, yes I would like that very much."

"Good I'll be back around ten o'clock tomorrow." Hayward said then leaned in to kiss her cheek. And Kate turned her head this time. And their lips met. Their lips together felt right. As she wrapped her arms around his neck he pulled her tighter to him. When the kiss finally ended they said good night.

            They did spend Saturday together. And they spent Saturday night together as well. They were parked outside in front of Kate's building. They talked until the sun came up. Kate invited Hayward up for breakfast. He readily accepted. After that day they were inseparable. They spent all their free time together. One year later they married. Kate and Hayward were very happy. They bought a big house in the suburbs of New Jersey. Kate finally got a car of her own a 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme it was gray. Hayward was thriving as a computer engineer and Kate as an advertising executive. You would expect two such people, who had so much, to live a jet setter's life style. But not them, they just enjoyed being married to each other. In 1982 they had Kelly. There were complications and the doctors told Kate and Hayward that Kelly was the only baby Kate would have. Kate tried to be a trooper. And Hayward was supportive. And they got through it. They even thought about adoption. But there never seemed to be time.

            Five days after Kelly's tenth birthday Kate's father and stepmother were killed in a car accident. She was devastated. Hayward tried to be there for her, in every way he knew how to be. But she was just going through the motions of the day. Up until now Kate only drank socially. But to numb the pain she began to drink. Hayward could only watch in silence. He knew why she drank. He wished there were something he could do to help her, but she only pushed him away. The only time she would open up to him was when she was drunk. And then she was a blithering idiot. She began to miss appointments at work and deadlines on accounts. Once she was the bosses' right hand, now she was almost out the door. Kate rarely called in sick or extended her lunches. But she soon began not showing up for work. And when she did she was out of it. Kate had no idea what was going on. Hour long lunches soon became three to four hours long if she came back at all. Kate would insult clients and embarrass colleagues. Finally she was escorted out of the building when she cost her company a thirty-five million dollar account. She was drunk and insulted the vice president of sales. Kate was banned from the premises.

            After two years Hayward had grown tired of making excuses for her. He had grown tired of being the only parent Kelly had. Hayward had especially grown tired of watching Kate destroy herself. He knew she loved him and Kelly. And she was in a lot of pain. But still after two years she wouldn't let him in. In her drunken stupors Kate would reminisce about their relationship. And Hayward would listen. What Kate didn't know was sometimes he would be close to tears and would sometimes cry them. Thinking of how happy they had once been.

            Two weeks after Kelly's thirteenth birthday Kate agreed to get help. She began to go to AA meetings. She never spoke at the meetings, but found that she had a lot in common with these people. They had suffered pain and tragedy in their lives as well. Everyone there suggested to Kate that she get a sponsor, but she never did. Kate did stop drinking. She was sober six months, and for six months Kelly and Hayward had their Kate back. The Kate they could depend on. The Kate they loved. The Kate they lost three years before. Kate fought hard to stay sober and only slipped once.    But that made her more determined to stay sober. She prayed a lot and went to more meetings. Soon Kate had been sober a year and four months. Kate went to Hayward and said she wanted to start working again. Hayward was leery, but agreed she should at least try. Even with all of Kate's experience, she had to start at the bottom. When Kate was fired she was at the top. She was making a six-figure salary and had the biggest office. Kate also had all the perks and stock options. When she did find a job it was with the smallest firm in town. She would only be making forty thousand a year. Kate was grateful that Hayward was a wizard with money. He knew how to invest and
save. He'd even told her before she talked of going to work again. "Baby, if you don't want to work you don't have to. There is always money, in savings or stocks, or cd's or mutual funds. Don't worry about that."

            Soon Kate was the super woman she was four years ago, hard worker, good wife and mother. She was fast becoming indispensable to her boss Patty.

            But as hard as Kate fought. And as many meeting as she went to. Kate was slipping and fast. She was falling back into the booze, and no one noticed in the beginning. One-day Hayward took Kelly out to the movies and Kate stayed behind. Kate drank until she passed out. When she slumped over there where candles burning and they fell to the floor. When Hayward and Kelly had come home the house had all but burned to the ground. Kate was at the hospital. Hayward asked the neighbors if they could stay with Kelly. He went to the hospital. Once there he found out that Kate had been drinking and was suffering smoke inhalation. They found her passed out.

            When Hayward came in Kate's room she was still sleeping. He was so scared and angry and sad for her. He caressed her face and she opened her eyes. Kate saw disgust on her husband's face. After all they had been through that was the first time she had ever seen that look before. And Kate knew she didn't want to see it again. The tears began to roll down her smudged cheeks. Then she said, "I want a divorce. You can have Kelly, but I never want to see that look on your face again.   Just leave, Hayward!" Kate yelled.

            Hayward pleaded with her, but she said no and refused to talk to him. And he did leave. Heartbroken, and sadden Kate needed a drink. Then she began to beat up on herself about needing that drink. She truly understood Hayward's look of disgust. Kate was released from the hospital. Soon after she got an attorney and a realtor. Hayward insisted on giving Kate alimony and visitations with Kelly. He also told Kate he still loved her and always would. Kate had made it to this point in her life. Sitting here on the phone with Grace.

            Kate thought Grace hadn't noticed that she hadn't said a word almost the entire call. And Grace was still gabbing away. Kate finally said something.

"Grace, I have to go. We'll chat later, ok." And with that Kate hung up the phone.

She walked over to her vodka bottle and loosened the cap. Picked up her glass and watched the vodka as it slid into the glass and took on the glass's dense form. She drank the glass down so fast that it burned her throat. But Kate didn't care. She poured another and another after she finished that one. She kept thinking of her life with Hayward and Kelly. How good it had been, how happy they were until she messed everything up. She wanted to drink until the memories of her life with them began to disappear like the vodka. Kate knew she had to drink more than this for that to happen.

            But as she drank Kate began to think of Kelly and how she had been a horrible mother to her. Never there when Kelly needed her. But Kate knew that Kelly adored her. Never looked on her with disgust and shame. Kate wouldn't blame her if she had. On their weekends together Kate knew Kelly tried to keep her sober. And just as hard as Kelly tried Kate tried as well to stay sober. Most of the time it worked. Kate was vastly becoming a functioning alcoholic. She didn't want to be one of those parents who humiliated their children in public. And up until this point Kate never had. When Kelly usually found her mother passed out Kate would more than likely be on sofa. Kelly would throw a blanket over her and turn the lights out.

            What Kate didn't know was Kelly would cry, because her mother stank of vodka. And Kelly realized nothing came before her mother's booze. Not even her. Even at a young age Kelly understood this fact. Her father tried to help as best as he could. He would take Kelly to ANALON meetings. Kelly also realized as long as her mother lived her father would be in love with her. And she knew that her mother was still in love with her father. She knew it by the way they looked at each other still. They way they would say each other's names. What Kelly couldn't get her mother to understand is everything that happened to Kate happened to her as well. When Kate's parents were killed in the car accident, they died on Kelly too. When Kate became an alcoholic it happened to Kelly too. When Kate asked for a divorce that also happened to Kelly.

"Still no answer, Kelly?" Claude said.

"Yeah, Mom must be sleeping really hard." Kelly said.

Kelly knew her mother was passed out cold. She knew when she got home she'd
find her lying on the sofa with all the lights on and her mother would be dead to
the world.

            Claude was Kelly's manager and he really liked her.

"Well Kelly I can give you a ride home if you like?" Claude said.

"Sure why not, thanks Claude I appreciate this."

Claude was excited. He'd been trying to get somewhere with Kelly for about six months now. But Kelly always turned him down. When Kelly was hired at the music store he knew she was something special. Kelly was sweet and nice always polite. And the prettiest girl Claude thought he'd ever seen. Even when Kelly would turn down his invitations to go out, she was always so polite. Claude could never bring himself to be angry with her. Kelly would always say no thanks, or maybe another time. Claude thought to himself, finally I'm getting somewhere with her. So they closed the store and off they went.

            Claude decided to take Kelly home the long way. Kelly really hadn't noticed because she was worried about her mother. When they pulled off the road into a deserted field Kelly still hadn't noticed. It wasn't until the car came to a complete stop, and Claude turned the engine off.

"Claude, I need to get home. I don't have time for your games." Kelly said.

Claude leaned in close and caressed Kelly's face and said "Relax baby, I just want to get to know you better." Claude cooed and purred.

"Claude really, I don't want this, not now please, my mother needs me." Kelly said trying not to get excited and angry.

Claude came in closer and started kissing Kelly. At first she tried to fight him. But thought to herself, don't be stupid. Play it his way.

"Ok Claude let me take the seat belt off at least. So I can be more comfortable, honey." Kelly purred.

Kelly knew if she could just get her hand to the door she could jump out and call for help.   When she first got this job Hayward bought Kelly a cell phone. She always kept it in her purse. She got the seat belt undone, and she and Claude started kissing. Claude began to breathe heavy and Kelly followed his lead. Kelly wished now she had called her boyfriend Caine. Stop it she told herself. You have to get out of this car and downing yourself isn't going to help. Just then Kelly felt his hands on her breast. She wanted to throw them off, she wanted to scream, but knew that would only make matters worse. So Kelly felt between his legs. She found that Claude was erect. She rubbed and massaged his penis with her hands. Kelly thought about squeezing, but knew that still left him with the advantage. So she whispered to him. "Lay back if you can." And he did, he reclined his seat as far back as it would go. Kelly continued to rub his penis through his pants. Then she started moving her head in the direction of his crotch.

"Oh yeah baby do it!" Claude called out.

Through the material of his pants Kelly bit down as hard as she could. Claude howled out in pain. To worsen the blow Kelly, with all she had in her punched him in the chest. She knocked the wind out of him. Finally she opened the door and grabbed her purse, she jumped out of the car. Kelly called 911, and then she called her father. Kelly was very lucky that there was a patrol car in the area; they were there before Claude could get his bearings. They arrested Claude and took Kelly's statement. The patrolmen on the scene called for back up. The back up stayed with Kelly until her father arrived. Kelly couldn't stop crying and shaking. She knew she'd done the right thing, but was still scared. She was relieved when her father arrived. When Kelly laid eyes on Hayward her fear disappeared. She knew he would make everything better. When he got there he just held Kelly tight and kissed the top of her head. Kelly had never seen her father so frightened. She thought she'd stopped trembling. And realized that Hayward was trembling not her.

            The police officers told Hayward that Kelly was free to go. And told him, he should be very proud of Kelly. Hayward agreed. Hayward didn't have to ask Kelly what happened. He knew Kate was somewhere passed out. At this moment he hated Kate. He wanted to kill her. Kelly was their baby. She was the most important thing to them both. So Hayward thought. No matter what, Kelly came first. That was their agreement. This to Hayward was the final straw.

"Kelly in the morning we get your things from your mother's. You won't be spending anymore time there. Monday we get your license, and a car. Any car you want it's yours."

Kelly knew with the mood her father was in there would be no arguments. So Kelly nodded in agreement. She wiped her tears away. She'd talk to her father in the morning she thought to herself. When he could be more rational. Once they got home Hayward didn't get one moment of sleep. He watched over Kelly like a hawk. In the morning, over her favorite Einstein's cheese bagels with chive cream cheese, she and Hayward talked.

"Dad, I know you're mad at mom. But she didn't make Claude try and attack me."

"I know sweetheart. But if your mother hadn't been drinking she would've been there to pick you up. Kelly the whole reason I gave your mother visitation rights to you, I don't know I thought you could be the one person who could make her stop drinking. I thought she wouldn't be this way around Kelly she loves her too much. I know it was selfish, but honey I was desperate."

Kelly could tell her father meant well. But he was still too much in love with Kate to tell she was lost to them.

"Daddy I'm about to say the hardest thing I've said to anyone. So please listen and don't interrupt. Leave mom alone. You're a part of the reason she still drinks. Daddy you and Mom have been divorced two years. And still you look after her, worry about her. As if you two are still together. You're not married anymore Daddy. You're not her savior. You're her crutch. Until she can hit rock bottom, she'll never understand. She has to stop drinking for herself. Not for me, not for you but for Kate. I've watched you devote your life to a drunk for seven years. And do you know whom I feel sorriest for? Mom, to be racked with such guilt has got to be hard. It's unfair. She was never yours to fix. Leave her alone. Move on with your life. Like they say in AA one day at a time. "

"What guilt Kelly I don't understand?"

"The guilt that I have wasted this poor man's life. Even though we're divorced he still cares. Dad she knows you don't date. She knows you worry so much about her that you call just to check up on her. Dad let her go. She's not our Kate anymore. She'll never be our Kate again. Even if she gets sober and stays that way. I'm the only one with claims on her. I'm hers and yours. And that's it. There is no more Kate and Hayward. There's Kate, then Hayward and their daughter Kelly."

Kelly knew her words stung her father. He began to cry, in front of her. Kelly reached across the table and grabbed her father's hands. Then he began to speak.

"I just love her so much Kelly. She still means the world to me."

"I know Daddy, I know. It's okay really it is."

            The phone rang at that moment, but neither of them moved. They decided to let the answering machine pick it up. It was Kate.

"Hayward, I don't know where Kelly is. She never came home! She never came
home!"

Kelly picked up the phone. "Hi Mom," Kelly said.

"Why didn't you call?" Kate questioned.

"I did about ten times, you never answered."

"So you called your father?" Kate questioned curtly.

"No, I caught a ride home with my boss. Claude I told you about him. Well he tried to, he attacked me last night. Don't worry I'm fine. I escaped. I wasn't hurt. I called the police then I called Dad." Kelly explained.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry! Oh God how did you get away?" Kate asked.

"Mom I don't want to talk about it. Just know I'm fine and safe."

As Hayward watched Kelly on the phone with her mother, he realized that Kelly was more the parent than Kate. He also realized that Kelly was stronger than them both he and Kate.

"Dad mom wants to talk to you." Kelly yelled out.

Kelly went to her room. Hayward picked up the phone.

"Hello," Hayward said dryly.

"Hayward is she really alright? She sounds fine, but you know Kelly."

"She's fine Kate, a little shaken up, but fine. I told her we're getting her license and a car on Monday. She'll stay with me this weekend. But will be back with you next weekend."

"I don't want her here. I'll just mess up all over again. I should've never agreed to visitations. She'd be better off without me in her life." Kate cried.

Hayward was fed up with what Kate wanted. Her needs, her wants. What about
Kelly? Kelly wanted Kate in her life anyway she could get her.

"Damn it Kate, I'm sick of this! This girl took that ride home with that fool, because she was worried about you! She didn't call me because she knew I would be angry with you for drinking!   No more that five minutes ago she was pleading your case to me! Drink don't drink! I don't care anymore! You had better look after my daughter! She always comes first no matter what! Or don't you remember that?" Hayward yelled.

His words cut Kate like a knife. She had never heard him so angry. She was about to agree, but she heard the phone slam down and heard a dial tone. Hayward was right she was being selfish. Her baby was almost raped last night because she was drunk, passed out in a drunken stupor. And to think all she could think of this morning was another drink. Kate really couldn't remember the last time she felt this sad and low, or angry with herself. She was pathetic. What Kate hadn't told Grace yesterday was what Patty had told her? "Kate get help for the drinking or get another job." And Kate knew Patty meant it. At that moment Kate jumped up. She went to the kitchen and grabbed the garbage can. Kate opened her cabinets and started searching for her hidden bottles of booze. One by one she pitched the bottles in. Some broke as they hit each other, others just clanked and cracked a bit. Kate found all her secret stashes. Then she went to her bedroom and found three more bottles. She dragged the can to the dumpster behind her house. And threw the can with all the bottles away.

            She went back inside and took a long hot shower. After her shower she stared in the mirror in her bedroom and looked at herself. She looked old for forty-three. Kate knew it had to be the booze. There were other forty-three year old women who looked better than she. She went back in the bathroom and brushed her teeth and combed her hair. She threw on blue jeans a white tee shirt, a blue blazer, and her white canvas tennis shoes. Kate grabbed her purse. She walked out the door and locked it behind her. Hopped in her BMW and took off.

            It was ten o'clock by the time she made it to St Paul's church. There was an AA meeting in the basement, it had started already. When the person who was speaking sat down Kate got up. Not even three years ago when she stopped drinking had she done this. Kate made it to the podium. Kate began to feel self-concisions, but she spoke anyway. Kate stood her ground; she knew to start her recovery she had to do this.

"Hi my name is Kate and I'm an alcoholic." She said quivering and crying.

"Hi Kate," They said as a group.

As she began to tell her story she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. She became more confident as she explained the pain she caused. She summarized her life until this point. The lying, the pain she'd caused. Kate felt herself about to break but she kept going. She told the whole story. Kelly's attack had become the turning point in her life as an alcoholic.

            Kate got a sponsor. Something else she hadn't done three years ago. Kate got a counselor, and one she and Kelly could see together as well. Kate began to slowly repair her life. Patty her boss began to trust Kate again. This time Hayward was different too. He took Kelly's advice and moved on with his life. He was not involved with Kate's recovery.

            He even started to date again. He was nervous about it, actually scared to death, but he did it. Soon he found a very nice woman named Sandra. She was a vice president at a computer firm Hayward's company did business with. Kelly liked her and Kate met her and liked her as well. Sandra was a kind woman with a big heart. She had two children of her own. A son Darryl and the youngest a daughter named Belinda. They were both in college. Sandra and her husband parted ways fifteen years ago.

            After Kelly's graduation from high school she went on to Yale. Being old-fashioned Kelly wrote her parents once a month. In her fourth year there, Kelly's roommate called both Kate and Hayward. Kelly was in the hospital. She had appendicitis. They both rushed to be by her side. While waiting for Kelly to come to in the waiting room, they talked.

"I'm glad it was only her appendix." Hayward said.

"Yeah me too. I'm glad it didn't burst." Kate said and ran her hand over her new short hairdo.

"She'll be up anytime now. I know she will. And she'll want cheese bagels with chive cream cheese from Einstein's bagel shop." Hayward said.

"So how's Sandra and her children?" Kate asked casually.

"They're all fine. Sandra wanted to be here but got stuck in a conference in LA.
How's Will?" Hayward asked.

"He's fine he'll be here after his lecture at NYU." Kate said.

Will and Kate had been seeing each other for two years now. He was a lawyer who lived in New Jersey and worked and taught a class at night at NYU.

"You know after all we've been through together. Or more all I put you through; I never really thought we'd be able to talk about our new partners with one another. Hayward I never got the chance to tell you how grateful I am that Kelly had you in her life. You're the reason she's so great. I was so busy thinking only of me. I never spent the time you did with her. You were a single parent long before we divorced. I never got to say thank you. I never even got to say sorry. And before you protest, let me do this please. You deserve it. I was a horrible wife, and even worse mother. But you stood by both Kelly and me. You never denied me anything or her either. Hayward from the bottom of my soul I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." Kate said and wiped the tears from her eyes.

            God, Hayward thought. She's still so beautiful. Even with her salt and pepper hairdo. Kate still had flawless skin, the color of copper. Even dressed casual Kate still looked elegant. Dressed in blue jeans and a tee shirt with flat shoes. The shoes looked to him to be expensive but not flashy. She had simple gold hoop earrings. Kate still had the longest legs that he'd ever seen on a woman. In heels she was almost taller than him and he was six foot even. But this wasn't his Kate anymore. This wasn't the woman he'd fallen in love with almost thirty years ago. She had changed and he was certain she knew he changed as well. They would always care deeply for each other, but they were different people now. Kate went from head strong and determined, to a self-destructive alcoholic. To what Hayward saw before him now. A self-assured, but not over confident woman. Determined but about different things than before. Hayward was remembering the line from the classic "Great Expectations," by Charles Dickens. Where Pip and Estella meet again at the end and Estella says to Pip "I have been bent and broken, hopefully into a better shape." That was Kate, a better shape. He could no longer think poor Kate. Hayward saw the longing in her eyes for him to say something. So finally Hayward said. "Kate I humbly accept your apology."

"I've wanted to say that for years now," Kate said with a relieved look on her face.

Hayward said, "So what took you so long!" And they laughed.

Sheila B. Goram, contact: Parker074@aol.com
Copyright 2000 Sheila B. Goram
Reviews and comments requested
Posted 10/20/2000