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Book Excerpts | Book
Title; The No Keep Secret
Subtitle; Behind Closed Doors
Non-fiction by Margaret Scholebo
This book has 250 pages and is Non-fiction. It is a biography of every
possible abuse. Also of marital abuse and the struggle to get
out. It is mainly designed to teach children and adults how to cope
with as well as break the cycle of abuse within their own lives. My
hope is that I will be a silent source of support for those who have
or are suffering from the tragic times I've gotten through in my life.
I made it through 2 years of suicidal thoughts which I didn't believe
I would get through at the time. I broke the cycle of abuse with my 7
children.
Introduction
Through the years our lives have been very
difficult. Not only dealing with the scars of abuse from my
childhood but not knowing for sure that I was doing good as a mom.
That was until one day when I was waiting to take my precious Grandma
Romine to the grocery store. She came out to the car, got in and
just smiled. She said, "Yep you've got Davey Joe's
breakfast again." She then said, "You are the best mom
I've ever seen." Right then I knew I had to be doing
something right. She was loved by every child from birth to 80.
She always had a house full of kids most of which were on her lap.
They would go to her when no one else could handle them. In this
book I tell of how she cared for me when I was sick. She always
knew just what to do to make me feel better even with a fever of 104.
I was very worried in the months previous to
my first baby's birth. I had been told abuse is a cycle and if
you were abused you would abuse your children. As soon as I had him I
knew I would never mistreat him.
David and I talked many hours before the baby
was born and about how we were going to treat him. We were going to
give him lots of love, always nutritious meals, and always clean.
I still get teased today about how I always chased D.J. around with a
wash rag and how my spankings were love taps.,
My main goal is to help all types of abused
people young and old. My idol Virginia 'Dutchess' Marmaduke
suggested I start the intro out like this.
Before we became parents we taught ourselves
to be the type of parents we are today. Together we planned, and
developed the attitude and feelings we were going to show our
children. One of the main priorities we set was to make sure we
told our kids we loved them every day. We would hug and kiss
them throughout the day and evening.
My son described me as, "Not like a
mother but a best friend who I can talk to, act goofy with and love
too." Years of work put into caring for each one but
showing or feeling no favoritism has been a major part of our
parenting skills. That along with lead by example not do as I
say not as I do. How are you gonna tell your kids not to smoke
if you set there and do it all the time. We are both overprotective of
our children, do not have a babysitter, take them with us 99% of where
we go.
I help all the kids with their homework right
after school. A snack is ready for when they get home too.
Never once since my son was born 20 years ago has he went to bed
without getting a bed time snack. None of the kids have went to bed
hungry. The expense is getting greater with 7 children but we
will never change that. They have a variety of bed time snacks;
fresh fruits, vegetables, canned fruits, ice cream, cookies and milk,
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
There has also been a standard set with
meals. We never have a light supper like hot dogs. My husband
was raised on bologna sandwiches on just dry bread. I remember
growing up with meat being served about 2 times a week when we didn't
have much. When we were older and mom was on her own we ate meat
everyday.
Around here it is rare if we don't have meat
for a meal. The most hectic times at home are meal times. I
have no help nor ask for help with preparing meals. I also fix
all of their plates including cutting up their meats. One time I
was so busy I forgot to cut up my oldest sons meat and he brought his
plate back to me with a very upset look on his face. I asked him
what could be wrong; he said, "Are you mad at me, what did I
do?" I said no why. "You didn't cut my meat
up." After that I have never forgotten.
Dedication
I want to dedicate all my work past, present,
and future to my life mate; soul mate, lover, and best friend, David
Lee. If he hadn't pushed me and boosted my confidence I would
have never begun this book. Also he told me I didn't have to go to
college to write for the newspaper. I didn't believe him or in
myself but I followed his advice. He told me to call a man that
he worked for while in High school. He was the editor of the
local newspaper. He told me to offer to write for free for him
to get published in the paper. He didn't hesitate but did offer
me 5.00
for every feature I wrote in the paper. I wrote for him for
about 2 years until they decided they didn't have the budget to pay
another writer. I then went to American Publishing where the
publisher gave me at first a column. Then I had so much
information and ideas he let me have my own page of local news, and
feature stories that I wrote.
My goal in writing and reliving the very
painful past is to help people. Whether it be someone possibly
thinking about ending the pain by suicide or a kid who is being abused
that doesn't know a way out. If I can help but a handful of
people my pain of the past, present and future will have all been
worth it. I am determined I can help others cope with the pain they
are going through.
Chapter 1. The Secrets Of A Child
I would wonder as a child. Does anyone
know about the bad things I have to do at home. Even though I
didn't know if it was right or wrong but it always made me feel bad.
I wondered if kids or teachers could tell just by looking at me.
When I was a very young child of 4 I was abused sexually, mentally,
and physically. The sexual abuse did the most destruction to my
mind. My father who was the abuser is a very violent man.
When I think back there are so many people I
could have told. Somehow I was always hoping one of them would
find out and ask me about it. I think teachers should be more
aware of the signs as should the parents. Maybe Sunday school
teachers or even observant strangers with concern for children. There
cannot be enough importance stressed on the fact of an early education
against sexual misbehavior. It's a parents obligation and duty
to train their young children. They should be taught as soon as
they understand what no and bad means.
There should and may be a program in the near
future similar to a drug education program. They teach the
children everything they should know about
drugs. All these hazards can be avoided by just saying no to
drugs.
I have very vivid memories of my abuse as a
child. There was not only sexual abuse, there was also mental
and physical.
One of my memories of physical abuse by my
father was when I was walking down the sidewalk between mom and dad in
St. Louis, MO. My mom was carrying my little sister and pregnant
with the youngest. I asked a question and for no reason and no
warning my dad backhanded me with his knuckles in the mouth and gave
me a bloody mouth. I started to cry and I remember him
saying I'm gonna pour salt in it to make it burn like fire. I of
course tried to cry quietly.
My mom was yelling the whole time at my dad.
She took me into a filling station bathroom and looked at my mouth.
While she was stopping the bleeding and cleaning me up she was cussing
and calling him every name in the book. My mom had to put up
with plenty of abuse herself.
When we were very young dad was a very heavy
drinker. He didn't have a certain time to begin drinking the
alcohol. We were all very young; I was 5, the others were 3 and
a few weeks old.
We were woke up by them arguing and mom being thrown against the
walls. When I looked out the bedroom curtain I seen my dad
trying to hit her with a real
big board. She was trying to block his hits but wasn't doing a
very good job. I then seen him lifting her up into the stoker
stove while fire flames were shooting out the top. We were all
screaming and a was worried the baby would be hurt because she was
screaming so hard. I seen him pick up a metal pipe and just knew
my mom was gonna get killed. All the sudden my grandma came out
of no where, bundled us up and took us for a walk to her house.
I was so scared to leave for fear of not seeing her alive again.
While we were at grandma's house I kept
looking out the window and asking her when my mom was coming. I asked
her if my dad had stopped beating on her. She answered me very
patient and caring. I think if I was her I would have been so
nervous I wouldn't have said much but she just tried to make me feel
better. Grandma spent a lot of time caring for me when I was
seriously ill and mom had to work. I can remember her flipping
my cold rag over and over all night long when my fever was so high I
would have very strange dreams.
I don't remember waking up one time and her not setting in the
chair with the pan of cool water setting on the table. Anyway
all the sudden mom walks in staggering and fell into the chair with a
huge knot on the side of her head. He had hit her in the face
with the metal pipe and broke her glasses.
My Uncle Bob took off out of there yelling he
was gonna kill him when he found him. I was actually happy
inside that someone was finally gonna take care
of my dad. They may beat him up bad enough that he wouldn't hurt
mom again. Then about 2 hours later he came back and hadn't
found him. Then only a little
while later we got a call he was in a very bad car wreck. Again
I was happy that he wouldn't be home for a while. Maybe he would
be in the hospital for a long
time and we would have a nice vacation from being beat on. He
had broke something and had stitches all over his head.
My mom said as far as I was concerned she
thinks the abuse started when I was about 4 years old. I asked
what that stuff was that squirted out of there.
I pointed between his legs.; Mom asked what I was talking about
and he made a few believable excuses up like; maybe she's been around
the neighbors too much
or maybe she's talking about me going to the bathroom. Dad would offer
me an ice cream cone if I would do him, "A Favor". It
was always to do something
sexual that would cause me to gag and choke plus sometimes throw up.
It didn't seem to matter to him he just had one goal in mind.
Along with ice cream cones he would offer me trips to the public pool,
candy, and money. If I would ask any questions about doing the
favor he would just say don't tell your mom or she won't let me buy
you any more treats. She would get mad because you are getting
something like that and she wants it. She will make me stop
buying you special things. He always made me believe she was the
bad person.
Mom worked 2 to 3 jobs and then on
weekends she would mow grass. She would not allow her family to
go on welfare. I've told her many times over the years I would
rather be on welfare the rest of my life than to risk one of my kids
be abused in any way like we all were.
The very first time I remember him asking me
to touch him was far away from home. I remember there being a
big sign on the right hand side of the road. The car lights shined on
it as we turned onto a back rock road. The car lights shined on
it as we turned onto a back road. I found that sign just 2 years
ago on my way to the store. I wasn't old enough to read but
the way the sign was had been burnt into my memory.
After we turned down this road my dad shut
the car off. I felt a little scared in anticipation of what he
wanted. Maybe I done it before but just blocked the memory out.
Or maybe I was just too young to remember the details. He then
took my hand and proceeded to force me to do what he wanted.
He would make all kinds of reasons to go
somewhere together alone. One time all of us kids had written
Santa Letters. Dad decided he would have me
go with him to put our letters in the house they had up town for the
special jolly man. He parked the car on the square and pulled my
hand over again.
Along with this abuse there was always day to
day mental and physical abuse. I will go into that more later
on. When we had to move into my grandma's house
in the country a lot more abuse took place. A lot of different
kinds. I wish I could remember where my grandma, mom, and
sisters were at when he was making
me do all this. I do however remember when we lived in another
town that he would wait until everyone was asleep in the house and
come wake me up quietly., He would lead me into the front room
where it was pitch dark and have me do A Favor. I didn't figure
out until recently when I was writing about the abuse why
I always fell asleep in school every day and didn't do well. I
only got about 3 hours of sleep a night. At first I was
afraid to go to sleep because I knew what
was gonna happen. Then it was doing what he wanted me to do
getting no sleep. Then afterwards I couldn't sleep from feeling
sick and hurt inside.
Margaret Scholebo Contact: momy8us@yahoo.com
Copyright 2002 Margaret Scholebo
Reviews and comments requested
Posted 12/29/2002
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